I have released my first eBook on Amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle. It is a long-ago collection of my passionate understanding of the Gospel. It is called Unfinished Faith and will be part of my series, Fight with Faith.
This book is not supposed to be organised, as it was taken from a blog I had made when I was a youth leader at my local church. I hope it serves its purpose and blesses you with the insight I had gained.
• Written by an active-duty marine who has a girlfriend:
”Military spouses play no part in sacrifices being made. Pragmatically, the warm gushy feel good purposes you married someone in uniform for don’t matter when considering the term ‘sacrifice’ because objectively you have enacted no role in sacrifices rendered because it’s not up to you, it’s out of your hands and whatever sacrifice you think you’ve made would have happened regardless of your presence. So no, you haven’t made a meaningful contribution or sacrifice because at no point does the outcome change.”
• Written by another active-duty serviceman:
”Think about it, does a bill paid for by a military spouse come out of the pocket of a member of the military, it’s not a hard question.”
• Spoken to me by an active-duty serviceman:
”What have you sacrificed since marrying a military spouse?”
Hmmm…that’s right. We spouses stay at home and do nothing and just live off the benefits. We don’t ever worry about your safety and those tears are totally fake. We contribute nothing except being a standing body.
I’ve learned very quickly that a majority of people don’t see the military spouse as a contribution to the lifestyle of an active-duty member. Made my hair raise.
While, yes, we aren’t the one who are making the money, risking our lives, and living in shitty conditions, that doesn’t mean we are entirely useless.
If anyone one knows me, I try hard to support my husband even if I’m depressed, overwhelmed, or wondering if a bill is going to be paid off, and if my daughter is going to be happy and know Jesus. It’s very hard to explain that side to an active-duty member because we get to stay at home…the place they long to be.
But a power couple is a couple that both work hard at the duties given to them. And it’s then respectful and kind to sympathies with the other when things get hard…EVEN IF THE OTHER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a sailor. I don’t pretend to even if I say ”I understand.” That’s just a habit to let him know, I’m listening. But maybe there’s a better choice of words, as I really don’t understand his new life.
He’s bound to a contract and can’t just throw a middle finger to the sky and walk out the door and get another job. Cody faces stress that I don’t know about, but am aware that happens. And it’s hard for me to want to be there for him, but not understand his role fully.
Same goes for him. He’s never been a mother, bill organizer, business handler, phone call answer-er, Uber driver for the kids and dogs, dinner maker, maid, and then trying to devout time to the other. For me, it is stressful. Being a mother and wife is.
Just like it’s hard for him to transition from a boy to a man overnight. He has to be the provider, the father, the lover, and counselor to his fellow shipmates.
We both complain about our roles — it’s normal. Life isn’t a big happy Candy Land board game. But what I’m a big believer in is recognizing both sides and giving credit where it’s due.
It’s not easy being a military spouse. It’s not. It’s not like most civilian relationships. If he moves, I move. I had to move everything of ours from North Carolina to Virginia while being 5-6 months pregnant in one car and several trips while trying to get my Dependent ID and look for an apartment and later a part-time job.
Sounds simple on paper, doesn’t it? No. It was not. And that’s what I’ll never be able to explain to someone who hasn’t done that. Just like it’s hard for Cody to tell me the everyday fear of making sure he doesn’t lose his job and hoping his family gets fed.
Also, I’m not a feminist, never have been. I believe in if someone works hard, they should be rewarded regardless of their gender. Just because I’m female, though, doesn’t then mean I’m subject to a man’s stereotypical view of woman’s role.
I have a college degree that I worked hard for. I graduated with honors and am currently working towards another certificate.
I was a director and advanced team member at a full-time job. I didn’t kiss any ass for that position.
I saved up and bought and maintained my own car.
I started my own business at age 16 by myself.
I’m a self-taught learner.
I can cook, clean, and take care of my daughter.
Basically, I’ve been successful before getting married. I’ve pulled my weight even if it wasn’t serving my country. I hate having to bring up my resume of my past life to at least show someone I’m capable of more than being ”just a house wife”.
The military is a MAN’S world. Meaning, sadly, the majority of them are going to be sexist. Something I have to always chew and swallow.
It’s not fair, but it’s globally made known the man is ”above” the woman. Biblical-based, God expects the man to be the head of the house, but to also love his wife like Jesus loves the church.
I guess one blog post I’ll share my thoughts on marriage.
But, for real, don’t overlook the role of a military spouse. We have emotions. We are individuals. We try our best. And we love the man who is sacrificing his life.
No, I don’t sacrifice much. And maybe to you, I’ve sacrificed nothing… except the probability of losing the one man I love…
We’ve been there at one point…our crazy, nosey pup got into a bag of M&M’s or ate a bar of chocolate.
Well, our 10 month year old Boxer, Achilles, decided to help himself to a 13×9 pan of baked chocolate bars!! I had set them out to cool and our counter is small and our fridge was full. Achilles is a champion counter-surfer, so, part of me knew it wouldn’t be smart to leave it out, but things happen when you’ve got a baby and two other dogs and your pregnant-self and you want a piece of chocolate cake!
Cody was currently on an underway, therefore, I was by myself doing my normal duties of household chores and baking. I left the house for awhile with Zoey for Christmas errands and when I came back, of course: pan was on the floor, licked clean.
Achilles wasn’t crate trained due to him having been adopted from a pet store at five months. He then did not understand the difference between doing his business where he sleeps versus outside. Anyway, we leave him out when we leave…since then, I now gate him in our foyer and he hasn’t had an accident or gotten into mischief.
Well, the chocolate bars I hadn’t indguled in yet, were full of semi-sweet, M&M’s, and graham crackers. I quickly Googled the consequences and wasn’t quite at ease until I called one of my best friends, Brittany, who is a vet tech. She told me to watch him and make sure that his puking decreases and if he starts getting dizzy or not puking or acting weird, to then take him to the vet.
He’s about 60lbs and was in the risk zone, but I kept a little but if water out for him and just let him puke ALL night. I stayed up with him until around 5 a.m. and then went to bed.
The goof was fine in the morning and I went to take a shower. When I came out, he had somehow gotten into our roommates bag of sugar!!!! I about beat him, but he puked once more and has been fine ever since.
So, lesson learned. If you have a lanky armed Boxer and food somewhat within reach, hide it!
So, it’s hard to look super cute when you’re pregnant. But let’s be honest: being comfortable is so much better. I usually sport a sweatshirt, sweat pants, or leggings…and, or, most of the time my husbands oversized jackets or t-shirts. Comfort is important and wearing jeans or right fitting blouse may not be the right fit for you– and that’s okay! Relax. Take a deep breath. Drink water, sleep, and stay reasonably active.
For me, wearing make-up and fixing my hair is what made me feel attractive and motivated. With simple Elf eyeliner, my favorite Lipsense lipstick, and face moisturizer, I felt fresh and foxy! But if it’s hard for you to stay away from looking stylish, Maxi dresses are amazing!! They flatter your baby belly and enhances your glowing motherhood no wore one for my baby shower and it was perfect! Could’ve had it tailored to be shorter in length, but it still did the trick and I received a lot of compliments.
With your hair: dry shampoo. If you don’t have time to take a shower, use the lady’s lifesaver and give your hair a quick spray and tidy it up with a comb. You don’t have to be a runway model or a slob when you’re pregnant haha, but find a balance and don’t be scared to put in a little bit of you time, as well as looking good for your hubby.
My Mom always told me to look nice for your man because not only do they appreciate coming home to a well groomed woman, but it makes you feel confident and alive. It’s okay to have those off days, but going for days looking and feeling like trash, you’ll soon cave into the daily dumpster mentality and you’ll have a harder time motivating yourself. Start small. Wear eyeliner, comb your hair, and fashion clean clothes- you’ll feel better, I promise!
Some people get used to them leaving. I don’t think I’ll ever do. And it’s not because we’re newly weds or in a new location, but because Cody’ s my other half. He’s the whiskey to my coke, the Clyde to my Bonnie, the Jack to my Diane, the lyrics to our favorite song. I really can’t stand being without him!
I’m like a dog, waiting impatiently and anxiously by the window, waiting to hear the purring of his Altima pull in. And he’s the same way: he can’t wait to get off work just to see me.
I sleep, eat, organise, work, and clean to distract myself of his absence. But when night falls, it’s lonely. No scent of his Marbolo Southern Cuts, his Brute aftershave, and his overwhelming presence and energy.
Even if I don’t want him around me…I still want him in eye view. I never realise how much he means to me until he’s miles away. I literally count the hours and days until he comes back.
You feel a sense of accomplishment and restriction. Everything you were once free to do for yourself is kind of over. When you have a child, you either have to sacrifice your hobbies to help them develop theirs, or hire someone to look after them and then later regret not spending enough time with them.
Your husband is going to be in and out during this period of your life– thank God Cody will be able to be there for the delivery. But having a baby doesn’t stop the house cleaning, cooking, bills, organising, seeing the parents and in-laws, remembering the have friends back home, and making sure everyone in the house is relatively happy.
It’s hard not to fall into a pity party, wishing you were not a tired, overworked looking 8 month pregnant housewife. Afterall, I signed up for it and therefore I honestly have to find a way to accept, cope, and enjoy…otherwise I’ll be inwardly wishing I was who I was a year ago: still young with not many responsibilities.
But let’s not forget that my husband is in the military: out doing most of the basic, happy civilian marriages. He could leave anytime and come back whenever they say so…leaving me with the baby and house again. Being thankful and reminding myself how blessed I am are the weapons against depression– but they are also sometimes hard to fuel.
What’s the solution? I’m not sure, except hoping that it’ll all work out in the end and to take small steps forward everyday…even if you have to take a long pause in between.
The more and more people find out I’ll be a navy wife, the more and more i see a scary and beautiful dream come true. some say, “be prepared, it’s not easy.” others say, “be prepared, it’s really not easy.” what always passes through my mind is that i’ve always wanted this…like a kid who wanted to be a doctor or a pro athlete one day, I wanted to be a military wife.
I’m not scared of the moving, the distance, or the changes – I’m not a civilian living a civilian life. i try and accept the choices I’ve made and find the God made beauty in it all. Already He has blessed me, Cody, and Little Zoey, and I won’t take them for granted.
I’m taking small steps or leaps and bounds and learning as I go. it wasn’t exactly what we had in mind, but in the end, at least i can say i was loved by a man, raised a beautiful daughter, and God never left us behind.